


Something I posted here so I can get motivated to work on it l8r

by terminalDiscord



Category: Homestuck
Genre: F/M, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, What Was I Thinking?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 08:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5122253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/terminalDiscord/pseuds/terminalDiscord
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Motivaaaatioon come to thee</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something I posted here so I can get motivated to work on it l8r

Your name is Dirk Strider and your brother is currently nagging you to call a-soon-to-be unfortunate Jane Crocker.

"You can do it, Dirk!" A certain Aries troll girl comments on the side, a 2x thumbs up with the intention of encouraging you, it just makes this whole ordeal feel stupid as fuck.

"Yeah," your twat of a brother pipes up. "As a very inspirational dude would say, 'JUST DO IT!' Seriously, bro. Just do it, the crowd's goin' nuts, they're waiting for you to confess your undying love for John's hot sis, I mean- fuck."

Why you. Your li'l bro and his troll friend is making you feel like a tsundereplane calling her 'Baka crush' from one of the most horrendous animes ever. It's just a fucking phone call; ask her out, if she says no, lie immobile in your bed for days on end until you finally get up to get shit done. If yes, then mentally hi-five yourself for being awesome.

"Shut up, both of you. You really don't have to be involved in this, I never asked for your help." And- yeah, they're not convinced from the looks of their quirked eyebrows and judgemental eyes. Sigh. "It's just a phone call, it's not like I'm preparing for world war Z. If I can't pull it off, then either she doesn't like me and that's that, or I don't have enough..." dear lord, please forgive me. " _Swag,_ to charm her."

Dave gives you a seemingly calm look. "Bro, are you serious?" The tone of his voice sounds even, _too even._ "Who needs swag..." A horrible grin makes its way onto his face. Oh, fuck no. "When you've got TIME on your side?"

And just like that, he and Aradia burst into fits of obnoxious laughter. Why you.

"Strange, because time seems to be _against_ me in this situation." You look at these two dorks, laughing their asses off at a bad pun, no wonder they're friends. "Besides, her favourite language is English, not Japanese, and by extension," you lean over and give your brother a stern look. "Not Spanish."

Dave smirks and regains his composure, he even makes the show of dusting himself off. Aradia is still giggling, but seems to have calmed down a bit. "You're just jealous. And yeah, okay, no sexy Spanish for the baking nerd for your sake. She probably wants someone to speak French between her legs, anyway, if you know what I mean."

Jesus fucking christ, how can you possibly be related to him in any way? He repeatedly nudges a now laughing-crying Aradia, suggestive eyebrows complimenting his action. Poor girl, puns will be the death of her.

"You know what, fine. I'll call her-" they pause their bouts of laughter and look at you, eyes wide and gleaming with a smile that looks more like a threat if you didn't know any better. "Just get out of the room and I'll get it done."

They protest at first, then begrudgingly drag themselves out the room, cracking a few light hearted puns along the way whilst giggling. Your highest priority right now is to call Jane, after that, you need to terminate Egbert behind her back and come up with a convincing story of how he got a sword lodged in his chest. Your brother is being brainwashed by bad puns with a side of derp and you need to do something about it.

Enough of that, Dirkhead, just call her.

You dial her number and wait for her to pick up. It's not until the third ring until you realised what a terrible idea this was. She likes Jake, and you're her competition. It's a miracle you two are still friends, so don't push your luck, asshole. 

A brief silence in the sequence of beeps interrupts your thoughts.

"Hello, this is Jane Crocker! What can I do for you?"

Fuck, shit. Quick, pretend you're Dave. Do your voice acting, Strider!

"Yo, you're one sexy mama." Your voice cracks at the end, sounding too little of your brother and sounding too much like you. Fuck your life.

"Erm, Dirk? Is this you?" Fuck, nope. Fix it!

"Felix." Someone up there loves you, because for early Christmas they dropped an angel on you. A retarded angel. Why the hell did you quote the movie?! She doesn't even know you're quoting it!

Laughter erupts from the other side of the phone, her trademark 'Hoo hoo hoo!' sounds heavenly to your ears. You spare yourself a moment to internally melt from the sound before she speaks again.

"My, my, Dirk! If this is a prank, then I must say that it's a bit weak on your part, but amusing either way."

Dear god, she sounds so amused like you were at the time where your brother first tried to do an acrobatic fucking pirouette and face planted onto the ground. You feel a mix of mortification for your own behaviour and fawning over her like a tumblr user would for a middle aged celebrity. Yeah, you're not exactly the smoothest guy around when it comes to terms with romance.

"Yeah, I know. Usually my pranks are much stronger than this," Wait, fuck. You realise you're talking to her and have nothing planned for once. Oh, god. "Well would you look at that, I have to go do shit. See you later, Crocker." 

You hang up before she can respond, because that's how polite you are. Yeah, no. This is totally your way of getting someone to like you.

Your voice sounded far smoother than you were. Argh.


End file.
